This blog serves as an outlet for me as I continue on my path of healing. I had considered 2010 reining champion of the "worst year of my life" awards, until 2011 rolled around. Now I think I will just refer to the combined time period as my "phoenix years"; years in which I was knocked down, beaten, and thrown into the flames, only to shake off the ashes and be re-born as a stronger, healthier, and more blissfully aware women filled with love for life.
There are many things that I plan to write about on this website, plenty of stories I plan to tell, and secrets I intend to share. However, as I have mentioned before, I am not doing this in sequence. I am not telling my tale based on the real chronological timeline. There is no "order" to my blog..... I am writing about events as I need to so that I can move on from them and heal the wounds one by one.
So for context, and until I get around to writing about everything, I thought I should give some background. The following is a list of just some of what really "went down" during those years, and what's lead me to where I am...."write" now:
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So for context, and until I get around to writing about everything, I thought I should give some background. The following is a list of just some of what really "went down" during those years, and what's lead me to where I am...."write" now:
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December 3, 2009 - I file for personal bankruptcy after a lifetime of careless spending, an eating disorder that cost me thousands over the course of 13 years, and my never-ending need to fulfill foolish, unnecessary "wants".
February 2010 - Dad is diagnosed with FTD.
April 2010 - I get engaged to the love of my life!
July 2010 - After months of fighting, my miserable ego devours my relationship and my engagement falls apart 3 months before the wedding.
September 2010- I hit rock bottom spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially.
October 2010 - Dad is diagnosed with ALS.
January 2011 - I admit myself overnight to St. Joe's hospital for 24 hours after a serious relapse in my bulemia. My heart rate was at 39 BPM.
February 2011 - My 6 year old nephew undergoes emergency brain surgery to remove a tennis ball sized tumour from his brain.
May 29, 2011- My father loses his battle with FTD & ALS and life is forever changed. I have lost my daddy.
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Of course there are many details left unsaid here, plenty of pain unexpressed, loads of emotional baggage left unpacked. However, this simple list serves as a solid reminder of where I have been, what my family has been through, and where I have managed to arrive. It really does take a massive spiritual beating to allow you to see the light. I am not thrilled to have gone through what I have, but I am pleased I was able to make the best of it, and really come out swinging. It is like they always say; God, or in my personal preference, The Universe, only deals out to you what it knows you can handle.
Well I handled it. Barely. But here we go, on the up and up, and I can feel my trajectory gaining momentum everyday. I was told by my astrologer this past month that Pluto has been hanging around in my charts for a few years now. Pluto represents transformation, destruction, creation, regeneration, healing, renewal, power struggles, and upheaval. I was also told that he is not leaving my "house" anytime soon, and that I should expect more grief and wreckage. But you know what I say? Screw you Pluto. The light has my back.
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